Friday, March 30, 2007

Quick Update


No time for wit this time (nor last time, I hear some of you cry).

This tinternet cafe is costing me a fortune, so I will be brief.

Here's a bulletpoint style update:

* BA were as mediocre as always - two hours late taking off, poor selection of TV and film, fugly stewardesses. Food weren't bad though

* Staying in Ueno with Helmut. Flat v rustic, even though in the city. Built just after massive Tokyo earthquake of 1923. Resembles Soviet towerblock.

* Raging jetlag. Using sleepmask from plane during day. Woke up at 4am and went to buy KitKat from 24hr shop. Forgot had sleep mask on head. Got funny looks.

* It is blossom season in Japan. Ueno Park is in full bloom. Looks great. There is also a festival in the park check out photos below

Will update later

Blossom...There's A Lot Of It

Count the petals....1...2...3... oh hang on, start again....

It Doesn't Get Anymore Japanese Than This......

.... a woman taking a photos of the blossom with her hi-tech phone
Actually, it could get more Japanese than this....if she then accused a Samurai of dishonouring her family, challenged him to a fight, but called in Godzilla to help her out whilst she ate some sushi and played on her Nintendo whilst wearing a that would be more Japanese.

Blossom In Ueno Park

Temple In Ueno Park

Akira Kurosawa not in shot.

Doctor Octopus

This man shouts "Octopus...get your lovely octopus"

In Japanese obviously

In England, on sticks, we put Mivvies, Funny Feet, Twister, Mini Milk and sometimes at a push the odd toffee apple.
In Japan, they put fish on sticks. Imagine buying one of these from the icecream van.

Oi Mate, Do Smoke On The Water

Note: picture is on its side because I don't know the Japanese character for "rotate".

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Pack It In

Currently my Mum is packing my suitcase. She’s getting a bit carried away. This is what she has packed:

Back-up sponge
Back-up toothpaste
Back-up toothbrush
Secondary emergency sponge
Shower gel
Reserve shower gel
Sewing kit
Shoe polishing kit
Fall-back shoe polishing kit
Emergency sewing kit (in case of emergency break glass if needed)
Tub of E45 cream
Tube of E45 cream (2-for-1 offer at Superdrug)
Emergency pants
Nivea Cream
Back-up replica suitcase containing exact copy of items in first suitcase.

My luggage limit is 23kg. Might have to rethink this.

Ozzy Oz Bound


Anyway, what’s Australia really like? Don’t know. In a bid to answer this question, I decided to do an Oz-themed brainstorm.

Actually we are now supposed to use the term Thought Shower. The term brainstorm is banned as it offensive to epileptics. Well, so is Jim Davidson, but no one has got round to banning him yet.

Here are some things that come to mind when I think of Australia:

People called Bruce
Big spiders
Harold Bishop
Nicole Kidman
Places with names like “Woolooboolawangarungi”

As you can see, I am hoping to broaden my cultural understanding of Australia.

I arrive in Sydney at 7.05 in the morning, but seeing as my Australian friend Kristy doesn’t finish work until 5.15 I am going to have some time to kill. Any ideas?

Incidentally, when Kristy and I lived together in London, Andy and I forcibly made her watch the Monty Python Philosophers Sketch.

She sat through the whole thing stony-faced. “Bruce, this is Bruce”. - nothing, no reaction. “Rule One…No Poofters….Rule Two….No mistreating the Abbos”. Again, nothing.

At the end, she turned to me and Andy, who were in stitches, and announced, as if delivering the final verdict: “This is not funny”.

Doesn't bode well.

Gaijin and Tonic

Right. This is the plan.

Down to London on 24th March. Fly-out to Tokyo 27th, stay for a few days, and then down to Oz, arriving in Sydney on the 2nd April at 7.05am.

I am hoping the residents of Tokyo will welcome me back with open arms like some kind of gaijin prodigal son. “Oh Fideep-san, we have missed your unironed shirts and singular wit”, but somehow I doubt it.

Having had time to reflect on my previous trip, apart from the all-pervading monstrous carbuncle that polluted and poisoned every aspect of my life, (I mean Shane – not my burger curry diet), Japan was mind-blowing.

In so many ways it’s the model country: kind, polite, clean and efficient. Now if I could just get a job over there utilising my extensive sitcom knowledge my life would be complete.

I will be happy to return.


Watch this space. I am going to Australia.
Hope it works out better than Japan.
Either way, more posts are on the imminent, so I hope you will all join me for the second leg of my journey.
Who knows, maybe I'll be home in 4 months. Maybe I'll miss my bed. Maybe I'll miss British food. They might not do Bachelor's Super Noodles in Sydney. Imagine that.