Friday 30th June

In honour of my departure to Oriental shores, my work leaving do was karaoke-themed.

So, to Lucky Voice, then, on Poland Street where and three work colleagues and I set about committing Hari-Kari on our vocal chords with strained, pained versions of Prince Charming, World In Motion and Common People.

Full marks to Ivan for going first after having very little to drink, and also for picking a really difficult song to sing: Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen. Half way through you could see him thinking “…should have picked Radio Gaga, I’m good at clapping….”.

I was very reluctant to join in at first because I felt like a complete twat, but luckily and appropriately, I was rescued by Morrissey, whose adenoidal tones allow for a semi-accurate impression whilst remaining ironically detached.

Carried on drinking afterwards. Went home. Called in at Stockwell chippy. Third time in as many days. Worst idea I’ve had since the time I decided, after seeing the videos on YouTube, I would drink a can of Diet Coke with Mentos in my mouth (this was last week, actually).

Ate my battered sausage and chips in silence with just a fork (harder than you think).

Went to bed.