Sunday, July 15, 2007

Sausage Envy

Everyone was staring at me. Why?

Because in my hand I had the most beautiful object in the world: a bacon and sausage bap.

Some men wear nice shades, a funky hat or a nice suit. That's how they turn heads. Turns out all they need is a bacon and sausage bap.

I'd nipped to the cafe for a takeaway brekky and returned with what looked like The Silver Surfer's wanger - huge foil torpedo. Immediately I had the attention of the floor.

"That looks nice and I don't even know what it is yet" said Feidhlim from Donegal.

"Oooh, that looks mint, mate" added Raj eyeing the package hungrily.

As I unwrapped the roll began utching forward, leaning in transfixed, basking in its glow. I held it up to the light in preparation for consumption, but became self-conscious and acutely aware that an audience was gathering piercing me with their jealous, hungry stare.

"Where did you get that?" they'd ask..
"How much?"
"What's on it?"
"Is it nice?"

To the last question I answered, "I don't know. I haven't had chance to eat it yet"

The harshest comment came Feidhlim who eyed the roll enviously and, shaking his head in resignation, uttered "....bastard...." as if I'd just won an Oscar and The World Cup and The Lottery all at once.

But their covetousness didn't last long. Soon I'd finished it. The heavenly music had stopped and the throng had blinked themselves back into reality.

Behold the Power Of The Bacon Bap

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