So here's something you don't hear every day: "Miranda.... erm....someone has just fallen out of an upstairs window and is lying on the floor outside".
This was announced to the throng in the courtyard which, up until that point, had been engrossed in a game of poker. There was a silence for a second whilst everybody looked at each other in slight disbelief before, like true rubberneckers, mobilising en masse. When I arrived at the scene, a man was smashed on to the floor in the mangled shape of a Swastika, breathing, his eyes open but utterly immobilised. Alan, from Aberdeen, was stood at the side of him holding a laptop bag: "Trying to steal my laptop eh? I hope you die" he said. Ouch.
As it transpired, a local junkie had somehow gained access to the hostel, managed to make a grab for a laptop and in the ensuing panic fell out of the window 15ft on to the floor. The situation rapidly developed into a kangaroo court, however, with those people who had had stuff snatched circling agitatedly, wanting to lay the boot in, whilst religious freak Ava lay at the side of him, prayed with him and continually assured him that God loved him.
An ambulance was called immediately and, with a police station only 20 feet away, it wasn't long before they were on the scene. The police recognised him straight away. They started calling his name even before they had got close to him, and spoke to him like he was a drinking buddy. "Don't move" they said " the ambulance is on its way". 20 minutes later he was being carted away on a stretcher complete with surgical strapping and collar - it was like some scene out of Holby City.
The debate continued after the sirens had faded. Some were harsh and hoped he had done himself a proper mischief. Others were more liberal, attributing his behaviour to the drugs. Me - I think he was punished accordingly. When a man steals a laptop, but then moments later falls through a window, bounces off a hefty metal fuse box on the way down and lands mangled on a brick floor, I think, in this case, we should probably leave it at that.