Tuesday, September 18, 2007

There Were Two In The Bed and The Little One Said

I am reluctant to go into detail here, but I am currently re-acquainting myself with difficulties of fitting two people into a single bed.

Single beds are made for one person - that's why they are called single beds. Spooning is all very well, but I've never found it a particularly useful analogy considering spoons have no arms or legs, and if they did they certainly wouldn't find them such an obstacle to a decent's night sleep.

For example, what are you meant to do with the arm crushed underneath you nearest the mattress? If you place it under your partner you're asking for a serious, industrial-sized case of pins and needles, and if you trail it behind you, you feel like you're in some kind of wrestling hold. Similarly utching up the bed is problematical if you're perilously close to the edge and she's fast asleep. And what about bed sheets? I don't want the duvet up to my chin, I want it up to my armpit. God I'm hot. God, I'm cold now. And then there's the snoring. I mean right in your ear:
"Snnnnnkkkkkkkkhkhkhkhkkhk......breath........... Snnnnnkkkkkkkkhkhkhkhkkhk........breath"

But what am I complaining for? All these things pale into insignificance when you wake up to find the sun streaming through your window and a person fast asleep at your side, their arm slung across you and their warmth beside you. How glorious.

Christ, that's all a bit girly isn't it? I should probably start talking about cars and guns and fighting to balance it up or something.


Paul said...

Phil, you used to be so shy... what happened?

Dad said...

Too much information!!!