Saturday, August 25, 2007

Gizza Job

I really didn't anticipate it being this difficult to find a job. Initially I was pursuing leads in media. And, initially, signs were good: skill shortage + need for recruits= job. Or so I thought.
Because soon it became apparent that I am too "siloed", as the Australians say - meaning I am too specialised.

You see the Oz media industry is still stuck in the 1990s. Step into any office and they're drinking Tab Clear and talking about how it's great that the Berlin wall came down, isn't it fantastic that Strictly Ballroom won all those Oscars, and how it's fabulous we have still icons to look up to like The Pope, Princess Diana and Michael Hutchence.

My role doesn't exist in Australia. It's collapsed into a broader role for which I have no experience on account of me being too specialist. Thus finding a job is like finding Pete Doherty's needle in a haystack.

"That's OK" I thought "I'll get some generic office work", but that hasn't been easy either. I am so pissed off. I can't work out what I am doing wrong. Am I under-qualified? Am I over-qualified?

One thing, like Ko-Ko out of the Mikado, I am adding Recruitment Consultants to my "little list", alongside double-glazing salesman, telemarketers and car salesmen. "Just looking through your CV now. Degree qualified. Good. 6 years office experience. Good. Yes, we have hundreds of jobs for you. I'll call you tomorrow".

Then.....silence. When you chase them its "Erm...what was your name? Oh, don't really have anything at the moment". Twats.

I have done Word tests. I have done Excel tests. I have done Powerpoint tests. All of which I passed with flying colours. I even did a customer service test for which I received 89%.

Questions included:

If a customer is angry, do you:

a) Keep a level voice, and attempt to explain what you are doing to rectify the situation, by way of apology.

b) Shout "la, la, la, la - not listening, you fucking old trout" down the phone before stuffing the receiver down your Calvin Klein's and doing a trump into the mouthpiece.

c) Say "You think you've got problems. Yesterday, my wife found me in bed with the cast of Grange Hill"

d) None of the above.

They are that easy. Obviously the answer is b), by the way.

I have signed up to 12 agencies in total. They have found me nowt. What am I doing wrong? Maybe I should stop waving my nob about in interviews. It must be distracting, I admit.

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