Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Hunter Valley: A Day In Quotes

In The Beginning

Chris: What are you doing Sunday?

Phil: Nothing. Why?

Chris:Thought about going to the Hunter Valley wine tasting. They have all these vineyards and you razz about between them sampling all their free wine and getting pissed.

Phil: Brilliant. How do we get there?

Chris: Hire a car. I don't mind being designated driver because these places do cheese and chutney and chocolate as well. Whilst I do that, you get the Chardonnay down you.

Phil: Deal


Phil: So how many are coming now?

Chris: We've filled three cars. Me, You, Franc, Etienne and Claire in one. Miranda, Martin, Dave and Lindsay in another. And now Richie reckons he can fill a third with Fanta, Raj, Goonie and Carolyn. Come with me to Avis tomorrow and help navigate back to the Pink House - they've closed off William St because of the Fun Run, so we'll need to find a way back.

Phil: OK. No problem (in my head thinking - "Shit, I'm not very good at navigating")

In Miranda's Car, Circumnavigating William St

Miranda: Shit. This doesn't look right. I think we're on the toll road heading out of the city. Can I U-turn?

Phil: Wait. What's this sign say?.....Woolloomooloo straight ahead. Yes! We've come the right way.

Miranda: Thank God for that. I'm just going to zigzag my way back from here. Are they still behind us?

Leaving Sydney

Sat Nav: At. The Next Exit. Turn. Right.

Chris: What? Bollocks to that. I'm going straight on.

Claire: I think the car behind is waving at us.

In Warawee

Franc: Where are we?

Phil: Warawee

Franc: Yes. Where are we?

Phil: Warawee

Franc: That's what I said.

Phil: Yes I know. Warawee

Franc: Oh forget it

At The First Vineyard

Somelier: Can I interest you in a Shiraz?

Phil: Yes, please.

Somelier: 2003 or 2005?

Phil: Erm.........

Franc (prompting) I think the 2003 is less aggressive

Me: ....er.....yes.....I agree......less aggressive...actually, I think I'm pissed already.

In The Fudge Shop

Me: Can I try some vanilla, please?

Me: Can I try some caramel, please?

Me: Can I try some chocolate, please?

Me: Can I try some jaffa, please?

Me: Can I try some peppermint, please?

Me: Thanks. Bye

In The Chilli Chutney Shop

Chris: Try this chilli paste

Phil: That's nice.....I like that....oh....hang on.......aaargh......shit......hot......tastes like burning........phwwwwwwwwwwwwwooooooooograhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Chris: That was 8 out of 10 on the heat scale. Try this. It's a 10.

Me: No way. I'm still ablaze.

Franc: I'll have a go. Oh that's good.......ouch.....sweet baby Jesus and the orphans........argh......Holy Mary Mother of God......give me your Coke....quick!.....glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug........

Chris: My teeth hurt......quick....drink....glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug

In The Car On The Way Home

Chris: It's the police doing breath tests. Turn that music down.

Phil: Chris, you haven't been drinking. They're not going to arrest us for listening to
A-ha........actually, they might. Let's turn it down.

Some purchases...

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