In The Beginning
Chris: What are you doing Sunday?
Phil: Nothing. Why?
Chris:Thought about going to the Hunter Valley wine tasting. They have all these vineyards and you razz about between them sampling all their free wine and getting pissed.
Phil: Brilliant. How do we get there?
Chris: Hire a car. I don't mind being designated driver because these places do cheese and chutney and chocolate as well. Whilst I do that, you get the Chardonnay down you.
Phil: So how many are coming now?
Chris: We've filled three cars. Me, You, Franc, Etienne and Claire in one. Miranda, Martin, Dave and Lindsay in another. And now Richie reckons he can fill a third with Fanta, Raj, Goonie and Carolyn. Come with me to Avis tomorrow and help navigate back to the Pink House - they've closed off William St because of the Fun Run, so we'll need to find a way back.
Phil: OK. No problem (in my head thinking - "Shit, I'm not very good at navigating")
In Miranda's Car, Circumnavigating William St
Miranda: Shit. This doesn't look right. I think we're on the toll road heading out of the city. Can I U-turn?
Phil: Wait. What's this sign say?.....Woolloomooloo straight ahead. Yes! We've come the right way.
Miranda: Thank God for that. I'm just going to zigzag my way back from here. Are they still behind us?
Sat Nav: At. The Next Exit. Turn. Right.
Chris: What? Bollocks to that. I'm going straight on.
Claire: I think the car behind is waving at us.
Franc: Where are we?
Franc: Yes. Where are we?
Franc: That's what I said.
Phil: Yes I know. Warawee
Franc: Oh forget it
At The First Vineyard
Somelier: Can I interest you in a Shiraz?
Phil: Yes, please.
Somelier: 2003 or 2005?
Franc (prompting) I think the 2003 is less aggressive
Me: ....er.....yes.....I agree......less aggressive...actually, I think I'm pissed already.
In The Fudge Shop
Me: Can I try some vanilla, please?
Me: Can I try some caramel, please?
Me: Can I try some chocolate, please?
Me: Can I try some jaffa, please?
Me: Can I try some peppermint, please?
Me: Thanks. Bye
In The Chilli Chutney Shop
Chris: Try this chilli paste
Phil: That's nice.....I like that....oh....hang on.......aaargh......shit......hot......tastes like burning........phwwwwwwwwwwwwwooooooooograhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Chris: That was 8 out of 10 on the heat scale. Try this. It's a 10.
Me: No way. I'm still ablaze.
Franc: I'll have a go. Oh that's good.......ouch.....sweet baby Jesus and the orphans........argh......Holy Mary Mother of God......give me your Coke....quick!.....glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug........
Chris: My teeth hurt......quick....drink....glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug
In The Car On The Way Home
Chris: It's the police doing breath tests. Turn that music down.
Phil: Chris, you haven't been drinking. They're not going to arrest us for listening to
A-ha........actually, they might. Let's turn it down.